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Dear Office Dweller

The following letter is a composite offeatures that I just explained to our client
feedback from road warriors in the field toare no longer available. The new features
the much respected and appreciated officewill cost three times as much. The meeting
dwellers who occupy the ivory towers,that you just scheduled is for me to present
headquarters or maze of cubicles. The officehow we are going to sell these expensive new
dwellers are the curators of much neededfeatures and to provide an updated forecast
scrolls, documents, data, financialon the revised revenue. What, it is my turn
information and other incredibly essentialto present? You do realize that I am hundreds
data and processes that enable theof miles away right now, don't you? No, I can
organization to function. The road warrior isnot email my presentation and review it with
the tireless face and voice at the fronteveryone by phone right now. Why? I have not
lines of the information supply chain,started the presentation yet. I must have
responsible for maintaining that delicatemissed the announcement. What's that? Oh, you
balance between the vision of the clients andwere not aware of the changes either and
the magic of what really happens behind thethere was mp announcement. I understand
curtain. "Did you get my electronic calendarcompletely, trust me, I really do. So, we
invitation for our meeting in ten minutes?"have a new company strategy and a new
No, I did not get your electronic invitationcorporate direction. We have decided to
for the meeting. I am currently sitting inreinvent ourselves. There will be a big
front of a very important client and givingmeeting to unveil our new business plan and
my undivided attention. The Cell phone isassigned goals. I got it. What's that? Oh, I
turned to Vibrate and put away to avoidneed to submit my presentation on how I will
distraction. The laptop computer is turnedachieve those goals and my plan must be sent
off and in it's case. I have a pad and paperbefore the close of business today. I'm
in front of me to take notes on highlights ofsorry, you are breaking up. It must be a bad
our conversation. The client has my completeconnection because I am close to the airport
attention, especially when we are face tonow. I do not know if you can hear me, but if
face. The client has specific needs and ayou can then I want to you know that I will
vision of the future. I need to understandbe boarding a plane soon and will call you
that vision and effectively communicate howagain later from another city to find out
our features will meet the needs of thewhat you are trying to tell me. Better yet,
client. When we are together, the client andsend an email. "I bet you really enjoy those
I, we have one purpose that isolates us fromfrequent flyer miles." You really have no
the interruptions of the outside world. Ouridea how much I look forward to taking my
purpose is to find the best solution for avacation, at home. After several weeks on the
mutually beneficial business arrangement.road and a different hotel room every night,
When the meeting is done, I will have to useI look forward to my own bed, the one that I
my notes to draft a comprehensive documentpicked out and paid for. These days we need
that I will send back to the ivory towers.to arrive at the airport at least two hours
This document must accurately convey thebefore the scheduled flight. This is not
details of our conversation with the needsproductive time. Imagine spending one quarter
and vision of the client. It must accuratelyof your eight hour day in the office standing
assess and explain the mutually beneficialin line with your shoes in your hand. There
business arrangement and establish theis a line to check in, a line to go through
covenants or commitments of our conversation.security and a line at to board the plane.
My notes of those critical personal momentsWhen you arrive, stand in line to collect
shared with the client will become the basisyour luggage and another line to get your
for a thesis that will be drafted many hoursrental car. Of course, you can bypass the
later in a hotel room in another city. Thatline to collect your luggage if you do not
electronic calendar invitation is buried amidtravel with toothpaste, shaving cream,
two hundred and one other emails, many ofdeodorant, any gels or liquids. You can
which are from other clients. I will readyidentify those fellow passengers who have
them all when I sit at my hotel room desk,elected to expedite the cattle car processing
eat my hotel cookie and drink my singleby jettisoning their personal toiletries. It
serving hotel room coffee. The hotel has awould be impolite to discuss how you can
Jacuzzi, pool and amenities that I will neveridentify these passengers, just trust me on
see. What are the real amenities for a roadthis one, you can. Working on the computer on
warrior? High Speed internet connection,a tray table is only effective if you the
clean bed, hot shower and a continentalproportionate arms of a Tyrannosaurus Rex and
breakfast are what constitute Home Sweetif the individual in front of you is
Home. "Did you get the email with theincapable of reclining. More than likely, you
attached 32MB Video of the receptionist'swill be staring at the liver pots in the bald
granddaughter's birthday party, the picturespatch on the top of the head in front of you
from the company sponsored Bar-Be-Cue, thefor hours. Remember to bring large bills in
invitation to have your car washed in theexact change to pay for your wedge of wet
parking lot or the plethora of other emailscheese, two individually wrapped crackers and
with embedded cartoons and enormousbox of sixteen fabulous handpicked raisins.
attachments?" Some places still define highAsk for a receipt so you can expense your
speed internet connection as a 56k modem or amid-air snack and then pay for the aisle or
single wireless router available from thewindow seat next to you so you can claim it
hotel lobby. Hopefully the download will beas entertainment expense if the snack is over
complete before I finish packing my suitcaseyour approved per diem. If you fly as often
in the morning. I can't wait to read theas I do then you also get the benefit of
internal company announcement about the hotmemorizing the dialogue from abbreviated
lunch yesterday, accompanied by themovies that you would not pay to see in the
gratuitous oversized images of greasytheatres. Of course, the bad language,
burgers, fries and pizza slices. I am temptedviolence and parental guidance scenes are all
to send an email with embedded pictures of myremoved to make the movies safe for general
bran muffin and banana but fear that theaudiences. Needless to say, we will never see
humor will only create another burdensomeOzzy Osbourne on the eight inch monitors.
download to my fellow road warriors. Besides,Would you like to hear us recite the complete
somebody already beat me to the punch linedialogue from "Coal Miner's Daughter" or
and responded with a "Reply to All" message"Vanity Fair"? "You must hate your job." On
to HR that included a social security numberthe contrary, I love it. The travel, the
and complete medical history. There will beschedule, the hours and the inconveniences
at least ten to fifteen more "Reply to All"are sacrifices that must be made in the
messages that simply say "Thank You", but Ipursuit of a passion. Road warriors do not
won't know that until I open them. I havetravel for the excitement of hotels, or for
worn the letters off of my delete key. "Didfrequent flyer miles or because we enjoy the
you read the email that I just sent to you?"restaurants. The travel and time are a means
Thank you for the phone call. I am nowto an end, and that end is something much
driving in bumper to bumper traffic with onemore meaningful and personal. If you were to
hand on my cell phone so I can talk to you.talk to us, really talk to us for a few
In my other hand is a pen, ready to scribblehours, you would learn that the real passion
notes on the printed directions that Iis for family. For some road warriors that
downloaded from some mapping software threepursuit of accomplishment means a better life
days ago. I know that this call must befor a spouse or children at home. Every day
really important if you take the time toaway from home is a personal sacrifice that
write the email and then call to make sureis an investment for the ones that are left
that I see it and respond. Where am I? On thebehind. For other road warriors, the family
passenger side of the car is a slowly wiltingis defined as the coworkers in the ivory
drive-through lunch. A cup of car temperaturetowers. For these people it is the
coffee is perched in the console beside myprofessional family and the success of the
elbow. I am driving with my knees and tryingorganization that keeps the fire burning
to avoid that other erratic driver who doeswithin. For some other road warriors the
not seem to be paying attention to the roadextended family includes a special personal
or traffic. Was that my exit? That's right,relationship with clients, and a true
my cell phone does get messages. I wonder ifdedication to help each customer achieve
I can scroll through my messages and read thetheir individual aspirations. For the vast
pinpoint text while simultaneously talking tomajority of road warriors it is a combination
you about the attached files. Can you hearof all of these things, the family at home,
me? I think that I found the email that youthe family at work and the extended client
are talking about. Yes, this is the email.family on the road. We make sacrifices, but
Was that a police officer that I just passed?we are thankful to have the chance to do it
Is it legal to talk on the cell phone whileand grateful to the people in the ivory
driving in this city? Better not take anytower. Office dwellers are a source of
chances, I have to hang up for now and callconstant support and amusement, for this we
you back. I may not be able to talk on thesalute you Sincerely, Your Devoted Road
cell phone, but I don't think that there areWarrior in the Field
any laws about doing email or text messaging_____________________________________________
on your phone while driving, not yet anyway._________ Words of Wisdom "Do Not Disturb
"I just sent you an IM, did you get it?" Oh,signs should be written in the language of
you mean the Instant Message that you sent tothe hotel maids." - Tim Bedore "The path to
ask me if I read the email that you calledour destination is not always a straight one.
about while I am trying to drive? Sorry, IWe go down the wrong road, we get lost, we
missed that one. Calculating route, whenturn back. Maybe it doesn't matter which road
possible, please make a legal U-Turn. Oh, itwe embark on. Maybe what matters is that we
is the agenda for the conference call thatembark." - Barbara Hall, Northern Exposure
started five minutes ago. I need to provide a"The road that we travel may be long and
report and rolling forecast based on thearduous, full of many challenges. Yet it is
staff meeting today? What meeting? "Oh, wethe same road that leads back home and that
decided to change that feature three daysis never too far.
ago. It is not available anymore." I see, the



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